Please Stop Punishing Me for Being Quiet

Like many narcissistic millennials, I love a good personality quiz. In fact I love absolutely anything that will provide any sort of excuse for my poorer behaviours – that’s why I also love horoscopes and star signs. (I’m a Libra, if you couldn’t tell. That means I’m incredibly flaky, a total airhead and the whiniest person you could ever meet. Nice to meet you.) I’m also rather partial to the odd BuzzFeed quiz or 6! I am particularly fond of the ones that tell you what sort of household furniture object you would be. I’m an armchair, for anybody that cares.

I recently completed the Myers-Briggs ’16 Personalities Test’ and my result was the INFJ Personality and as stupid as it sounds, it has completely changed my perspective of myself.

See, I just really think I’m mental. I know I’m not the only person that thinks this of myself, but I really don’t mean this in a ‘quirky’ “I’m not like other girls” type of way, I genuinely have a fear that there may actually be something wrong with me, because I just don’t feel like I really fit anywhere and it feels pretty lonely.

I can be adaptable when I try, but it all depends on sudden bursts of energy and impulsive behaviour, it’s never consistent. I come across as really cold and withdrawn to people who don’t know me very well. I have a close circle of friends and family, who I pour my heart out to all the time and thankfully they are extremely supportive and understanding of my weird ways, but I find it difficult to open up to work colleagues and ‘acquaintances’, which as you can imagine, does not get me very far at all. The worst part is that I am completely aware of how I come across to people and I understand that it’s entirely my own fault, but I don’t know how to stop falling into the same ‘protective’ habits, where I shut off from people.  

INFJ is an abbreviation for ‘Introverted, Initiative, Feeling and Judgement’ and apparently this personality type has an extreme love/hate relationship with humanity, which I can 100% relate to. I’m very literally a flipped switch when it comes to my relationships – you will have literally all of me or you will not get to know me at all.

I’m just praying that I will grow more secure within myself with age.

I’ve started listening to a few podcasts on Spotify lately that covers different ways to improve your self esteem and your communication skills and they’re very comforting to listen to. Below are some of my favourites:

I love this podcast, as it’s a podcast for women, where Maya Jama will interview all sorts of different successful women to share their opinions and their experiences on a wide range of topics – from sex and relationships, to mental health, to smashing a promotion at work. It’s also very funny to listen to and it acts as a good friend on long train journeys. I would advise every woman on the planet to listen to this.

I’ve been a fan of James Altucher since I first discovered him on LinkedIn back in 2015. His approach to life and inspirational speaking is so raw and real. He shares a lot of his personal experiences from how he became successful, despite being heavily introverted; he does it in a very honest way with no sugar coat, where he talks about his mistakes along the way and how he fell from the top of his game and how he is getting back on his feet again. I truly recommend this for any aspiring entrepreneurs!

Not only does Boom Shikha have the sweetest and most calming voice in the world, but she also hits the nail right on the head, when it comes to the INFJ personality, so this one is for you my Myers-Briggs Brothers and Sisters!

If anybody can recommend me any good, mindful self help books or podcasts then please tell me! Or even better, if you can share your personal experiences with me that you think could inspire my search for bettering myself, please message me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/emilyjanecharles/

Published by emilyjcharles

Just a 23 year old Brit trying to work it all out.

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